He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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