The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
