She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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