i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
