Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
