the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
