her vagine was all disorganized.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
