Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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