By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
