She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
