Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
