I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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