I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
