just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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