ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
