So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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