Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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