Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
