My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
