He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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