bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
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I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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