You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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