I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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