grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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