it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize