Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
