As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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