My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
