I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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