Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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