I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
