The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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