youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
