WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
