actually, I'm a sock model
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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