I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
