i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
