Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going