Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is her dick bigger than yours?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!