wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...