We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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