Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
