hell yes lets make some ravioli
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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