Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize