I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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