just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
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I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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