so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
