As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
