dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
