1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
