i may or may not be watching the land before time
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
