Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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