I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
