i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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