Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
