do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
