Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
