It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
