We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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