My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize