would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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