i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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